Embracing Queer Self-Love: A Journey to Authenticity and Empowerment

By Ariela Cuellar (she/her), Senior Communications Specialist
2-14-2024 

In a world that often imposes narrow definitions of love and relationships, the journey LGBTQ+ people have in navigating platonic and romantic relationships becomes a tapestry woven with threads of self-discovery, connection, and authenticity. My journey has been one of defiance against societal norms, exploration of my identities, and celebration of love in all its forms. This process has been both liberating and challenging, to say the least. In this post, I want to shed light on the complexities of relationships, both with others and oneself, from the perspective of someone who identifies as latina-queer-fat-femme-able-bodied-gender-fluid. 

Love knows no bounds, yet for many of us, embracing it fully requires a constant negotiation with societal expectations. From the earliest moments of self-realization of my own queerness, I grappled with the fear of rejection and the desire for acceptance. I desperately sought spaces where my identities were not only tolerated, but celebrated. As someone who attended private Catholic school from K-12th grade, the opportunities to reflect on my queerness were limited and rare. I repressed any thoughts or desires of being with someone of the same gender and wished they would never come up again. Even in those moments, I felt that in my heart I was not living my full truth. I grew to love myself by unpacking my own internalized homophobia, and learning to embrace parts of myself that I was taught to suppress. After a few years, I grew to be proud and unapologetic about my queer identity, regardless of what family, friends, or society may think. 

There are other parts of my identity that I also had to grow to embrace and love. My weird sense of humor, my fatness, my Latinidad. Online spaces such as Tumblr and YouTube allowed me to write, vent, and befriend other community members like myself. Through these platforms, I built platonic relationships that I still have to this day. I was also able to see queer couples thrive, which gave me hope that one day I would be able to experience a similar type of love. I firmly believe visibility and representation, alongside systemic reform, are crucial for affirming our existence and validating queer relationships. 

For some, romance blooms effortlessly. Yet, for others, the journey to find love is fraught with obstacles, from discrimination and prejudice to internalized shame and self-doubt. Despite these challenges, our resilience shines through as we forge connections that transcend societal barriers, finding solace and joy in the arms of those who see us for who we truly are. Love is not confined to romantic relationships alone. Platonic connections hold equal importance in our lives, offering companionship, support, and a sense of belonging. My chosen family is an integral part of my identity, providing sanctuary in a world that often fails to recognize our worth. In the embrace of friends who accept me unconditionally, I find the strength to navigate the complexities of my existence, sharing laughter, tears, and everything in between.

In a society that seeks to erase our identities and invalidate our experiences, learning to love ourselves unapologetically is an act of resistance. It requires us to confront systems of oppression, to challenge the narratives of shame and inadequacy that have been imposed upon us. Everyone’s journey of self-discovery is different, and I hope that it uncovers the beauty of one’s authenticity and identity with pride and courage. 

Ultimately, my journey towards love is as diverse and multifaceted as the rainbow itself. It is a journey marked by triumphs and setbacks, moments of profound connection and painful separation. Through it all, I remain open to experiencing love in all its forms – romantic, platonic, and self-sustaining. Love is not just a feeling, but a radical act of defiance, a testament to our resilience, and a celebration of our existence.

This is why I embrace love in all its complexity, honoring the diversity of my experiences and the richness of my identities. For in the end, love is what defines us – as individuals, as a community, and as human beings striving for acceptance, understanding, and belonging.